There are many different types of foster care but they all have one thing in common – they offer a home. A safe place for children to thrive. A place full of love.
Foster care can mean anything from an overnight stay, a short break to something more long-term. Fostering can fit into your life, and some types of fostering can be more suitable than others.
A large number of foster carers combine working and fostering by offering short breaks (also known as respite foster care), while others foster full time.
what is short break fostering?
Short breaks offer that little break away for a child who needs it most. As a Foster Carer you can provide short breaks for disabled children and young people who still live with their parents or families. There are many young people and children with a disability who need a foster family.
This can include children with physical disabilities, learning disabilities, sensory impairments or a combination of these. Families of disabled children are more likely to experience family breakup so these regular breaks offer vital support to both the child and their family. Our team plans short breaks in advance, making them a regular occurrence or when the child needs it. Short breaks offer great new opportunities for a child to experience a different family and home, helping build new memories for them.
Short break Foster Carers become an extension of a family, offering a loving environment when it’s needed most.
meet Sandra and Mark
Sandra and Mark have been fostering with their local authority Foster Wales Conwy for over 22 years and did short breaks fostering for children with disabilities for many years until they adopted a little boy and became long term foster carers for a child with additional learning needs. Sandra shares why they chose to do short breaks fostering and how they combined this particular type of fostering with working full time.
how did you get into fostering, specifically short breaks fostering?
“I first started thinking about fostering when Mark was in the army. We were away a lot when our children were young and I always wondered if something happened to us, what would happen to our children? I’d always hope that there would be somebody like us that would look after our children.”
“One day, someone came into work who was a foster carer and told me all about fostering. I didn’t think we would be able to foster with us both working, but she told me to enquire and that’s where it all began!”
“When I came home and mentioned it to Mark that evening, he was straight on board! Mark himself has come from a split family so understood and could related to the feeling of loss within the family.”
“At first, I enquired about fostering long term. When a member of the team came round to do the initial visit they asked if we had ever thought about offering short breaks for children with disabilities with us both working full time.”
“I had never heard of short break foster care – let alone short breaks for disabled children. Our first thoughts were that we didn’t have any experience, but we were told that training would be provided. We soon came to realise that short breaks fostering would be perfect for us as it meant that we could continue to work full time. Our children were all grown up so we had the time and the space in our home.”
how was the experience of becoming an approved foster carer?
“Once we were ready to proceed, we were allocated a social worker and started the assessment process straight away. This can be a lengthy process, but we began our training courses whilst the assessment took place. This was a great way to prepare for our fostering journey. We completed the ‘Skills to foster’ course, and more specific training courses such as autism, epilepsy and attachment.”
were you able to work whilst doing short break fostering?
“Yes, we both worked full-time. We provided care for one autistic boy one weekend a month, a little boy who had cerebral palsy one weekend a month and also started providing sleepovers to one little boy as and when mum needed that break. I worked weekdays Mon-Fri 9 – 5 so that worked well for us. Sometimes I had to work on a Saturday but I did that on the weekend we did not have any of the boys, plus Mark was home. We also had a weekend free for ourselves within the month too, which was nice.”
tell us a bit about your fostering journey and the families you have supported over the years?
“Once we were approved we were matched with a little boy with autism, and we had him right until he was about fifteen. He was six when he first came to us. We had him one weekend a month, picked him up on Friday and took him to school on the Monday.”
“After a few weeks, we got matched with another little boy who had cerebral palsy, he was in a wheelchair, this was a different experience altogether as we had to do his personal care. We had him one weekend a month.”
“We continued caring for these two boys for quite a while, at one stage we cared for another little boy and a little girl during this time. Then our social worker said they had a little boy who had been adopted unfortunately this had broken down, and his foster carers needed regular short breaks care which we said yes too. We then decided to do general fostering alongside short breaks fostering. I chose to give up work in order to do both. During, this time I did my NVQ in Childcare, caring for children and young children. We care for that young man from the age of 6 until 16.”
“We cared for child who was PEG fed, (Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy), this means that he had a tube inserted into their stomach which allows the child to be fed directly into their stomach. Our social worker made an appointment for us to see the nurse and complete specific training on how to do pump feeding. They were brilliant. We had specific training for each child we cared for. This included medication administration and how to follow care plans.”
“At one stage we would care for children 3 weekends out of the month and have one weekend off to ourselves. We then continued to foster general and provide short breaks care up until lockdown 2020.”
how did you deal with the more challenging situations of fostering?
“First of all, communicating regularly with parents was vital. They would be able to tell you how the child’s week has been. I had regular contact with parents and built up a good relationship, and they would update me when needed.”
“Also, once the child has stayed a few times you get to know them well, you become familiar with their triggers and cues for certain behaviours. For example, one child would mess around with his glasses and throw them when he became really upset, this is was his way of communicating that something was bothering him.”
“Because short breaks foster care is a regular thing, you get to know the children so well so it becomes really familiar. This is the difference between short break disability and general, I think, because you have the children on set days throughout the year. Our home becomes their second home”
“If a child was displaying challenging behaviour, depending on the child, I would offer them some space or a break, and quiet time. Some children can get very overwhelmed or over stimulated so providing a calm, quiet area for them to decompress and wind down is important. Being patient is vital.”
“Provide alternative ways of communicating with the child, sometimes I would simplify my language or use PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) if needed”
“It was important to keep routine and boundaries in place, at times you do need to be a little firm but respectful.”
what activities and experiences did you provide for the children whilst they were staying with you?
“What we usually did was have a cup of tea and a chat once the child arrived. Then we would gage on how they are feeling, and based on that we would either have a nice quiet, relaxing weekend, or make a plan together on what we could do.”
Other types of activities we did with the children were:
- Going to the cinema or to the theatre.
- We had one little boy who absolutely loved to go out in the car, so even if it was only to the shops, he adored being in the car and going out and about.
- Beach days
- Playing on the computer
- Walking the dog
- Sometimes, it was the little things like getting a takeaway and having a film night.
- Spending time in the garden, playing football. Our garden is secure so it was a safe place for the boys to play in.
- During the festive holidays, we would take the boys to see Father Christmas at the local shopping centre, which they loved. And to the pantomime.
- Mark was a member of the sailing club so we would often go down there to look at the boats.
have you had to make an adaptations to your home to care for any of the children during your short breaks fostering?
“No, we did not have to adapt our home. The only change we made was we raised the bed slightly for the child with cerebral palsy so it was easier for us to support him without bending too low.”
“One thing we were conscious of was to make the bedroom low arousal. Each child had their own set of bedding and items that they enjoyed. We made sure that the room was their own when they stayed with their own belongings, and when the other child stayed the weekend after, they would have their own duvet set and items they enjoy. It’s really important to us and to the children. The house was quiet in general as myself and Mark were the only two people living at home.”
what did you get out of fostering children with disabilities for short breaks?
“They are kids first, the disability comes second. Our children had grown up and doing their own things so it was really nice to get to do all of those things we used to do, play games again.”
“We just really enjoyed it. The disability, we work around it, if they want to do something, they absolutely can, and our children should be able to experience things any child can. So we just found a way to make things work and we loved it. We just got on with it and it fitted in perfectly.”
how does it work with family dynamics when you have children of your own still living at home?
“When we first mentioned fostering our birth children were horrified at the thought of it, because they showed people’s perception of children in care – e.g. naughty children. When I told people we were going to foster, people would say ‘what are you doing that for?’ It was a big thing for them as it was something that we had no experience of that before at all. Once we explained things and they met the children, they were fully supportive of our decision’.
“Our two eldest were in university, but my son used to take the boys out to the cinema, or for food or to play football when they were home. My daughter used to work at Pizza Hut at the time so she used to take one little boy to the restaurant where he got lots of attention from the staff and loved it.”
“My children have played a huge part in the foster children’s lives all the way along, with all of the children that we have cared for.”
do you need previous experience to do short breaks fostering?
“No, we did not have any, you get training with Skills to Foster and then complete mandatory training once approved.”
what are your top tips for caring for a disabled child and what skills do you need?
- You have got to have patience and be very open minded
- Prepare for the unexpected, adapting to change when needed.
- Don’t get daunted when people stare at you, people can be rude. If other children approach you and ask questions about the child you are caring for, educate them. e.g. why the little girl has a tube, explain that it is to help feed her.
- You are the children’s advocate.
- Having a good relationship with the children’s family. As information is passed on regularly. The parents would give us a ring in the week and let us know if anything was different with their diet or their medication.
- Write things down, we did a report after each visit that went to the social workers and the parents.
- The children can come from chaotic homes so a routine is a great way of keeping things settled. As mentioned before, keeping the bedroom theirs, with their own quilt cover and belongings. I would take a photo of the bedroom so I knew how to set it up for their next visit as they liked it.
- Show compassion and respect, ask then how they are feeling and what they would like to do. Check in first.
- Give them time, countdowns are really helpful. 5 minutes, then shoes on. It works really well. I do this with my own grandchildren too.
Sandra
“I am so glad we went down this route and I wouldn’t change a thing! We had no experience whatsoever but the training is really good. So many people think they can’t do it – but you can! We did it and we loved it!”
could you become a short break foster carer?
If you live in Conwy, contact Foster Wales Conwy and a member of our dedicated team will be in touch for a friendly, no obligation conversation to help you decide if fostering is right for you.
If you live anywhere else in Wales, visit Foster Wales for more information and to find your local authority fostering team.
